The original nomenclature of mental deficiency should be
kept in mind when used in everyday conversation. For instance, an "idiot" is classified
as a feeble-minded person who
performs at the potential age of 3 years; an "imbecile" displays a mental age of 3 to 7
years; a "moron" has the potential age of between 8 to 12 years; and a "dufus" has no
specific limitations in mental capacity but is aware of the subtle themes in Baywatch.
Not one to be out-done,
Dave is proud to tell you
he's a 20 year member of "The Dirtbags." If you hang around expensive ski resorts long,
you're likely to encounter this motley crew of greybeard teenagers trying their best to
tear every ligament in the human anatomy. Crash and burn, baby! Expert in the digital
photographic arts, this Internet Brother once hung from a 600 foot cliff without a net
to retrieve a $20.00 space blanket, and lives to tell about it.
I've been accused of being too verbose. Verbosity takes
time, and nobody has any time to spare. So, verbosity is out. Understand? This verbosity
has to stop right now! We don't have time for your nonsense and endless rambling, so
stop it, and I mean right now!!!
I'd like to respond to the accusation, but unfortunately
(without being allowed to verbalize), I haven't had time to teach any of my fingers more
than the few words they already know, so I'll have to leave it at that.
What happens if people don't see your wife for long
periods of time? If you're a married man, people always get curious and want to know
where she is. They say, "Haven't
seen your wife, where is she?" as if you must give a personal account of your wife's
whereabouts on demand to anybody who requests it. Again, you have to lie. You can't say,
for example, "Oh, she misbehaved yesterday and I had to lock her in the closet."
Immediately upon getting back into my car I grabbed
the rear view mirror to take a look at my face. My reaction was one I never experienced
in all my years. Shocked and distressed only begin to describe my feelings. My right eye
was fully open and droopy suffice it to say that I could have taken the role of
Hunchback of Notre Dame
without the need for makeup. My lips were fully extended to the right side exposing my
teeth and I had no control over them or my right eye. I was far from being a site for
So I swing my legs out of bed while turning the alarm
off... 4:00 a.m., stumble in the dark to the bathroom, and halfway there smoosh my foot
in dog poop. DAMMIT! ok, my neck is still killing me from the other nite when
I fell asleep in the desk
chair, and now I'm gimpin' on my toes on one foot, turn on the
bathroom light so I can see something, and grab some toilet paper to pick up the poop.
Of course it's a bit difficult to pick up, 'cos I squashed it into the floor. And how
did you start YOUR day?
Random thoughts: If men can run the world,
why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying
a noose around your neck? It's just like the folks on the Net to come up with a shorter term
for a word that is only six letters long to begin with. There seems to be some
unhappiness with one of my cats. She is walking around the house seemingly looking for
the best acoustics from which to howl as if she had lost her last friend. I hate that.
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. It's
silent and never smells. As a matter of fact
I've farted at least 10 times
since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because it's silent
and doesn't smell." The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me
next week". The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what
the heck you gave me, but now my farts smell terrible, although they're still silent".
"Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your
I am Antaguar. Part myth, part faerie, part real. I am
a weaver of words, teller of tales, bard of fact and fable. I wander the worlds collecting
stories as I roam. Bringing memory back to life, myth back to reality, dreams back to
truth, love back to understanding. Travel with me now as I take you on a journey beyond
the wall of reason, into the realm of madness, onto the light of existance in all it's
varied forms. Come, walk with me....
Though there are many horror stories of love trampled
and crushed on the Internet, of psychos and sirens, deception and dismay, there are
also happy stories that still need to be told lest one bow to fear and opt not to
investigate what life has to offer. Who would have thought that somewhere, in that
tangled mile of flashing cable
and twinkling lights, among the softly ticking monoliths
nestled in glass underground, two people might be falling in love?
Sassy smart ass, brutally honest, and extremely outspoken.
I have a great sense of humor and will usually get along with just about anyone. I do
have an unusually low level of tolerance for idiots, though. I'm actually quite friendly
to most, and will bend over backwards for anyone who needs my help or a shoulder to cry
on. But, as Ted Nugent once said, "If you don't have a sense of humor, you'll hurt
yourself getting angry at me."
Amir Saleem Looking back at all those years, I find a lot to remember
and to cherish. Life has taken many twists and turns, but it has always been beautiful.
Once there was a time where every morning I would ask myself, when would life start?
Now, life starts every day. There are so many things waiting to be done, so many stories
waiting to be written. I owe a lot to life and to God. Days are falling like leaves.
I spend a lot of time on the web. It's my day job, and I'm
happy to do it. Besides building websites, I think about the web and where it's going.
This is where I
keep these thoughts. Occasionally I have something to say about it. My opinions are
noted for a lack of tact and diplomacy. They are not for the sensitive, the politically
correct, or the "kittens-butterflies-rainbow" crowd! The youngin's probably shouldn't be
There is a time in everyone's life when they begin to
cultivate themselves. Although they have been supported and nurtured for years by
family and friends, at some point they must begin to
take care of themselves. The
orchid is an expression of my journey into a new phase of my life where I will blossom
into the strong and beautiful creature that I hope to be.
I think M&M's might just be better than money, because
you can eat them. I believe everyone has a creative destiny, you may just
have to really-really look hard for it sometimes. I believe the game of life needs
to be played under an old oak tree, with your friends hiding in all the strangest of
places. But you'll have to catch me first, because
tag, you're it.
I am Eliot. I get out of bed every day. I have a cat
named Nattie. I drink coffee. I am right-handed. I love summer rain. I also love
vanilla frozen yogurt from JP Licks. Most people prefer toppings such as jimmies or
twinkles or whatever you call them. I, however, do not. I am Eliot. Follow my
adventures by coming frequently to
"Who IS Kimberly???" among
other things, many people I know would say I am a friend, a wife, a mother, a daughter,
a sister, a listener, a talker, a silly girl, a weirdo, a witch, an artist, a web
designer, a waitress, a joker, a geek, a mystic, a dancer, a teacher, a student, a
dreamer. While I may be all of those things or none of them, I am a human being,
an individual, with thoughts and ideas all my own.