Sometimes I Think I'm An Angel
I never told anyone that before. You have to admit
that it sounds a bit schizoid, and I wouldn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable,
not knowing how to respond to such a statement. So I've never told anyone.
See, I've lived quite a few lives, and I've died a
few... well, almost died. I believe that I survived because there's a greater purpose
for me. There are some things that I have to stick around for. I'm not really sure what
those things are, but I have a feeling that I'm doing them now.
I absolutely love people. I really do. I love to
watch them, talk to them, listen to them, and help them. At times, I feel like I have
all of these little curly antennas that invisibly protrude from my body... soaking up
other people's emotions, absorbing the feelings that they're trying to hide while
trying to be normal. I read people well, and I talk to them.
When I look at people waiting in the checkout line
at the grocery store, I see a tough looking biker, smoothing out the back of his
T-shirt. I see an embarrassed, middle aged woman, looking sideways to the line of
people waiting behind her, and apologizing because she doesn't have enough money with
her. And I smile. I smile because it's ok. I understand, and I'm embarrassed for you.
I smile because I straighten out my T-shirt to cover my butt too.
There are people that never smile. They never say
nice things, and they're always crabby. Sometimes that really bothers me, but most
times I try to convert them. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. I can't
change the world. But I try.
So why do I feel things so intensely? How can I
convey such emotion in my art that causes people to say so? Am I a medium for the
message? Can I help you to feel, to respond, and to become a part of it all? I was
sitting here tonight, pondering how I could write what I feel. As I watched Stone
Philips talking on the television, I thought about what he does in the privacy of
his own home, when he's not in front of a camera. I thought of my friends on the web,
and how much I care about them, how everyone is so special in whatever they do, and I
Maybe everyone should almost die once or twice. And
when you live because it's not your time yet, maybe you'll see people with their
emotions showing. It won't be about impatiently waiting for old people. It won't be
about the money and it won't be all about you. And you'll care. Maybe you'll feel like
an angel sometimes too.
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